Why Just the Left One?
Gulp here we go, time for my first ever blog post! I’m not going to lie, I’m really out of my comfort zone right now. Time to get naked as my old boss used to put it, describing that awkward moment when you’ve got to put yourself out there creatively, exposing yourself to the world to be judged.
I guess with that metaphor in mind, the name i’ve chosen for my blog is pretty apt. I should probably give you a bit of background, to help with some context and reassure you that I’m not actually going to lop a knocker out!
The origin story
I don’t know why I seem to favour my left tit, I’m just inexplicably drawn to showering it in coffee! Always that bloody tit as well, I’ve done it so many times it’s ridiculous. I don’t know why it gets the special treatment but it’s my favourite or actually in fact maybe my nemesis!
What a tit…
I think the best time I ever did it was on a morning when I had a first date lined up after work. I’d made an effort, washed my hair, smashed a load of make up on my faces (to be gradually rubbed off through out the day until I have nothing left to show for it) and put a clean top on. Oh er!
I walked to the tube, feeling all Bridget Jones walking across that bridge and shit, with a spring in my step and bought my morning coffee. Got on the packed train and stood up in the middle, ready to pounce on the first seat I could get my hands or better still arse on. I used my classic, holding-the-rail-and-my-coffee-in-tandem technique so I could read the paper and get all the juicy gos. on celebs I didn’t give a fuck about. When suddenly the train jerked and came to a stop. In slow motion all I could see was not only coffee heading for my left tit, standard, but also the ridiculously hot guy stood next to me’s beige jacket. Fucccckkkkkk! Just before all this I’d planned how our eyes were going to meet and we’d fall in love in a few stops time but that was royally fucked now wasn’t it. Instead, I apologised a million times and he pretended to be alright about it, probably relieved that he’d been saved from a love affair with a cack handed idiot.
After recovering from the temporary heartbreak, I remembered my own coffee stain, which was not in any way subtle, absolutely covering my left tit with no hope of removal. After a moment of despair, I went to my go-to here we go again, shit happens mentality and came up with a plan. So, for not the first time I might add, I went out on my lunch break and bought myself a replacement outfit for my evenings festivities and saved the day/date. (I’ll tell you about how I launched a whole table of drinks at my date another time).
So when I was trying to find a name for my blog, something that would succinctly get across how I bumble through life, slightly haphazardly but that also reflected my ability to be resilient and crack on with life, there was only really one choice!
What will I be writing about?
I want to write stories about stuff that’s happened to me in life, some funny, light hearted shit but also some really fucking sad and difficult things and how I got through them, that I’m hoping might help others along the way.
Anyway there we go, first blog done! Hope my naked tit passed muster and you were semi aroused in the process. I look forward to chatting again soon.
